The Fictional Story of The Man Who Got His Contractors License and Learned to Fly and Then Got Eaten By a Dragon (Satire)

by | License Stuff

There was once a man. A beast of a man. A savage beast of a man. He ate tree bark and raw fish and lived beside a river. He built log houses from scratch with his own bare hands and then burnt them to the ground.

He never built one log house or cabin that he didn’t immediately set on fire.

He just wanted to watch the log houses burn.

It brought a pleasant aroma.

It was like essential oils but for men of the mountains.

bonfire photo

Then one day, as this beast of a man was constructing his twenty-seventh log house in the middle-of-nowhere somewhere in the mountains of Yosemite or some such place, OSHA pulled up to his job site.

Now, this man didn’t speak English.

He communicated via grunts.

But luckily there was a translator present: a man curiously shaped like Tim Allen.

It was explained to our Mountain Man that he can’t be doing construction in the state of California without a license.

He grunted and hemmed and guffawed and chortled and dug a hole in the ground and, when on one was looking, he cried.

Then, finally, when the sun rose in the morning, he knew it was time.

Time to embark on his greatest challenge yet: getting his contractors license.

He cracked open three eggs and ate them raw and then mud-wrestled an alligator just for fun and then conversed with a black bear, sharing with the bear all of his fears as it pertained to pursuing his Contractors License:

What would it be like to go back to school?

Would he be able to understand the material?

Did the school have practice tests as part of their course program?

What kind of bond would he need?

Eventually, he got his head into the right space and found a local English instructor. She was nice and pretty and taught him the words he would need to be able to study for his Contractors Exams.

Eventually, he married her.

Secretly, so as to avoid OSHA’s rules, he built her a log house and burnt it down to celebrate their marriage.

Next, he used a popular tool called GOOGLE to locate a Contractors License School Near Him.

And he found our school.

contractor school class with students studying.

When he first arrived at our school, he was still speaking in half-grunts. And he smelled like tree sap and wood stain. But that was okay.

We were still able to help him fill out his application to the state.

After completing our coursework, (we helped him every step of the way), he took his state tests and HE GOT HIS CONTRACTORS LICENSE.

He prepared all of the necessary legalize, started an S corporation, and became a California licensed contractor.

Then, at last, he was able to build log houses once more, except this time — legally — and set them on fire (that part was probably illegal, but who’s counting).

Now, whatever happened to his man?

Legend has it he rose up the ranks and his construction company — which mostly focused on building and burning down log houses — hit the Fortune 500. They put him on the list of 1 out of 1 Mountain-Man-Who-Speaks-In-Grunts to hit the Fortune 500.

Some say he became a myth.

Some say he became a dragon, and that he haunts the night, simultaneously building and burning all kinds of structures.

He moved beyond log houses.

He now builds tents, porticos, gazebos, pagodas, a-frame roofs, Gucci products, lego houses, forwards to books, and miniature trains.

And subsequently destroys them.

But then another legend says that a bigger dragon came along and ate him. That bigger dragon probably represents his ego.

Moral of the story: Get Your Contractors License, Make Lots of Money, Stay Humble.

And, most of all, Enroll In Our Contractor School.

And learn to fly.

Cuz in no time.

You’ll be ‘Soarin’ Over California.’

Additional Resources:

Construction Guru Extraordinaire

Construction Guru Extraordinaire







Hey, it’s me. Jack Anthony. I wrote these posts. If it helped you go ahead and leave a comment down below and checkout our courses. Other than that good luck getting your contractors license. And may the odds be ever in your favor.

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